Scene 1 -Enter three weird witches
Shorten: When shall we three meet again?
Feeney: In thunder lightning or in rain?
Arbib: If the polls stay looking bad.
Shorten: There are plots to lay; numbers to add
Feeney: Where the place?
Arbib: Will Parliament do ya?
Shorten: There to meet with Mc Julia.
All: Fair is foul and foul is fair
Kev’s a goner- so let’s prepare.
Scene 2- In parliament’s grounds
Shorten: Where hast thou been brother?
Feeney: Eating swine.
Arbib: Brother where thou?
Shorten: On the phones- with list in hand.
TV was there- just as planned.
So I’ll do and I’ll do and I’ll do.
Feeney: Hark! McJulia doth come with McSwan.
McJulia: Speak if you can- what are you?
Shorten: All hail McJulia- thane of Lalor
Feeney: All hail McJulia- thane of education, workplace relations, and social inclusion.
Arbib: All hail McJulia- though shalt be PM hereafter.
McJulia: Stay you, imperfect creatures. Tell me more. I know I am thane of Lalor. And of education, workplace relations, and social inclusion. But how PM? The PM lives. Say from whence you owe this strange intelligence. Speak I charge you!
(The Witches disappear)
McSwan: Wither they are vanished and what seemed corporeal melted as air into the wind. Have we eaten on the insane root?
McJulia: Not since my student days!
Scene 3 – in McJulia’s office at parliament
McJulia: If it were done, t’were well it were done quickly.
If the assassination could trammel up the consequence and catch with his surcease, success.
But McKevvie has in me a double trust.
First as I am his minister for education, workplace relations and social inclusion.
And then as his deputy- who should against his murderers shut the door, not bear the knife myself. For all his misdeeds do I not share the blame?
And did this McKevin not do away with the evil Howard whose cursed rule lay eleven years upon the land. Did he not maketh peace with the stolen people?
These two deeds alone shall plead like angels trumpet-tongued against the deep damnation of his taking off!
McSwan: Pay heed to me McJulia. Two Wongs do not make a right. So for Pete’s sake garrote him.
I fear thy nature is too full of the milk of human kindness to catch the nearest way thou wouldst be great.
Thrice to thine and thrice to mine and thrice again to make up nine. That’s nine backflips. Alas McKevvie has spent them all. He can back flip no more.
McJulia: And if we should fail?
McSwan: We fail? Screw your courage to the sticking place and we’ll not fail. Peace! The numbers are wound up!
McJulia: Is this a dagger I see before me? The handle turned toward my hand? I go and it is done; the factions invite me. See them not Kevin, for they cast a spell that summons thee to heaven or to hell.
Scene 4- At the press conference
McJulia: Friends, Australians, countrymen, lend me your ears. I come to bury Kevin. Not to praise him. The evil that men do lives after them. The good is oft interred with their bones. So let it be with McKevin.
The noble Abbott hath told you McKevin was a lemon. If it were so, it was a grievous fault. And grievously hath Kevin answered it.
McKevin was my friend, faithful and just to me. But Abbott says he was a lemon. And Abbott is an “honorable man”.
McKevin promised the resources tax, whose ransom would the general coffers fill. Was this the act of a lemon?
Lemons should be made of sourer stuff. Yet Abbott says he was a lemon and Abbott is an “honorable man”.
You all did see when recalling the stolen people- McKevin hath wept. Does a lemon weep?
You all did love him once- what cause withholds you then to mourn for him? Bear with me. My heart is there in the coffin with McKevin and I must pause til’ it comes back to me.